Prayers of the People

Dearest Jesus,

Break my heart and bring me back to You. Rain on me with love until I drown. Give me the courage to look outside and see the beautiful sunrise of a new day.

Forgive me for my rebellion; thank You for the mercy and love I find at Your feet; please heal my waywardness. Please be strong for me when I in my own might cannot be.

I hope that You do not grow weary of me; I am weary with myself. Thank You that Your love is strong.

In Your name, Amen.

Sweet Songs

When I least expect it, when I most think God is ignoring me, He surprises me and says, "I'm listening. I see you. I haven't forgotten you. I love you." Last night, he used a stranger named Valerie, who probably had no idea that God was using her to speak to me through her simple greeting. Yet, I am so grateful that she obeyed.

Heavenly Father, You always amaze me. Let Your kingdom come in my world and in my life. You give me the food I need to live through the day and forgive me as I forgive the people that wronged me...So why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need. You know what I need...There are two things You told me, that You are strong and You love me, yes You love me...Your love is, Your love is, Your love is strong.

Thank You that You are love and You are strong and Your love is strong.

Face Up

The journey of rebellion is never as glorious as it seems it will be when first setting out. Either your conscience nags you and won't let you settle into it or the excitement of getting away with whatever it is has grown so much to be dull and boring and no longer satisfying.

It's time for healing, time to move on. It's time to fix what's been broken too long. Time to make right what has been wrong. It's time to find my way to where I belong. Time for a milestone, time to begin again, reevaluate who I really am.

Again recently I was presented with the statement "I do what I do because I believe what I believe". But before that, I heard this lesson and am trying to take it to heart: Yes, God is excited about our life-long journey of redemption and the people we will become, but He also loves you for the person you are now, just as you are.

Just as I am, the person I am now - slightly blatantly rebellious, sad that I am not further along on the path of holiness, a little doubtful that healing is for all and I am one of many and now really means now, more flaky than faithful, cracked and need to be shattered and rebuilt...

Maybe it's because what I cannot be, He is and what I cannot do, He does. He waits for me to return from my waywardness and welcomes me back, walks with me and teaches me along the way, restores me, is always faithful to me even when I am not to Him, skillfully shapes and molds me with every twist and turn and bump my life takes....

There's a wave that's crashing over me and all I can do is surrender. Jesus, rain on me with love until I drown.

I miss you, friend. Hope you are well.

Look Deeper

I do what I do because I believe what I believe.

Good and bad, wise and foolish - I do what I do because I believe what I believe.

Being kind, giving, patient, loving - I do what I do because I believe what I believe.

Indulging now instead of enduring satisfaction later - I do what I do because I believe what I believe.

So, what do i believe?

Where I'm Going

I've been sitting here for way too long; it's time that I was moving on... - Third Day

Sounds like "I've been sitting in hell for way too long", which I have. And as I have been more rebellious, I've become more apathetic. I've been gone so long that it seems easier to stay away...far, far away. Only a wrecking ball will make these cement walls tumble to the ground.

I've said these words so many times and been in this place for so long, I'm not sure that anything makes this confession more valid or sincere than any of the others. I see glimpses of peace and rest and beauty, and I want that. I want those things back. My heart says whatever it takes, but my mind is screaming about the things I'm giving up. What am I giving up? Shame, blame, anger, resentment, fear...What do I want? Freedom, peace, rest, joy, truth, a softened heart...

Give up on all the other things 'cause My love can bring you more. And if you take a chance on me I'll give you what you're looking for. - Third Day

Jesus, blow me out of the water with Your love. Help me to trust in You, in Your faithfulness, everyday. Whatever...it...takes. Break the things that need to be broken and heal what needs to be healed.

From a broken earth flowers come up, pushing through the dirt. - Dave Crowder

Waiting for daisies amidst the rubble...

Mighty to Save

Savior, He can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save.

I have to confess, there have been times lately where I have been envious of God's work in other people's lives. I can see His answers to their prayers, and to my prayers for them, but not to their prayers for me or my prayers for me (which haven't been that frequent). It seems things are going well for them; they seem to have peace and joy; they are being productive at work; their relationships are trucking along quite well. I, however, still feel in a rut; peace seems to be the farthest thing from my plate; I smile and grimmace through work many days.

You are my God as much as theirs, aren't You? Why not me? When will it be my turn? Do You even hear me?

Sometimes I wonder if He gets tired of hearing me whine. Other times I wonder if He's waiting for me to believe just a little bit more.

In the midst of all my crap, God is moving. It's taken a few knock-down drag-outs and some tears for me to see it, but His hand is moving in my circumstances also. And despite my jealousy, above my complaining, and beyond my rebellion, He has reached down and done it again. Maybe not as fast, and maybe not the way that I'd hoped for, but He continues to rescue me.

There is hope, there is hope for my lonely soul. There is hope, there is hope to be made whole. There is life, there is life to be set free. There is life, there is life surrounding me. There is hope, there is hope for my broken heart. There is hope, there is hope for a brand new start. There is life, there is life. Give me eyes to see. There is life, there is life. You have captured me.

God has shown me in the past few weeks just how well He knows my heart and just how closely He is paying attention. Jesus, give me eyes to see.

Keep on dreamin' of the day when it all will change. Believe in the end love wins. If you're waiting for the time when your sun will shine, look above 'cause love wins. - RSB

Boomin' Out the Stereo System...

Have you thought of how many times a day God says, "I love you."

"But God, I haven't taken time for you today like I should've. I've gotten lost in myself and all the things I have to do. I haven't even spoken to You today, except now."

He answers, "I love you."

"But Abba, my thoughts have strayed from You and things of You today. I've thought ugly things, mean things about people, ungrateful things about where you've placed me."

He answers, "I love you."

"But Father, I have not been good today. I've believed the lies Satan has told me about Your lack of care for me, Your disinterest in my situation, Your power that is not at work within me. I have disobeyed you; I have rebelled and run far away from Your guidance and Your embrace."

"My child," He says, "I am coming after you. I love you."

The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. - Zephaniah 3:17

And He knows what kind of music you like.

I miss you, friend. I pray God tells you how much He loves you just as He has told me today.