In Heaven...Still on Earth

Last night I went to the Chris Tomlin/Israel Houghton Hello Love Tour Concert. The feeling of worshipping with an arena full of people, brothers and sisters, was amazing. There was a point where all of the voices in the room were singing the chorus of How Great is Our God. Beautiful. Chris went on to talk about last year's tour and how he learned the words to this song in the language spoken in each world city he went to. And then he sang How Great is Our God in spanish, then in russian. And I closed my eyes and remebered the times in chapel that Jose Velasquez prayed in spanish, and when Yun-Hi prayed in Korean and got just a glimpse of heaven. The night was truly amazing.

We also sang Amazing Grace together. And when we got to the chorus my chains are gone/i've been set free/my God, my Savior has ransomed me/and like a flood His mercy rains unending love, amazing grace, Chris said something along the lines of you can't lift your hands to worship God if they are chained, so give it to Him and in faith, raise your hands in freedom. And I realized that it is a daily giving it to Him, believing that He will take it and rain down mercy and love on me until I drown.

One word I heard over and again last night: beautiful. And truly it is.

I miss you, friend.

Flip the Switch

I think I was just struck by lightning. Well, not literally. But I did have a lightbulb-glowing-above-my-head realization.

Today has not been the best. I was crabby at 7:43 when I first sat down at my desk this morning. I've been a litte, okay, really testy. Around 10 a.m., I'd decided that today was definitely not going to be the greatest. My to-do list has gotten shorter, but the can-you-please-do-this-even-though-it's-not-your-job list has gotten longer. A few minutes ago, I gave up on trying to make this day any better.

Walking back to my desk, I figured just how I was going to wind down once I got home. A shameful compulsive behavior; actually trying to quit. In the meantime I don't feel like learning a new one. Bad, foolish, I know, but honest.

I thought, "Well, I have three more days to be in hell." I'm hoping to go cold turkey really soon. And then a second later, "I can be in hell as long as I want, really. I have to decide to get out."

I can choose to stay in this pit of shame and sickness or I can get on God's team and fight my way out. I can choose instant gratification or lasting satisfaction. News, huh? Maybe only to me.

Come ye sinners, poor and needy, weak and wounded, sick and sore. Jesus ready stands to save you, full of pity, love, and power. Come ye thirsty, come and welcome God's free bounty glorify. True belief and true repentance and every grace that brings you nigh...

Will I rise and go to Jesus?

The Angels Cry

We fall down, we lay our crowns (my junk, all the stuff I hold onto and sometimes want more than I want God or the things of God) at the feet of Jesus (and find) the greatness of mercy and love at the feet of Jesus.

And we cry holy, holy, holy is the Lamb.

Bring me back to You. Overwhelm me with Your love. Help me understand how special I am to You, how much You cherish me, and how much that matters.

I miss you, friend.

Prayers of the People

Dearest Jesus,

Break my heart and bring me back to You. Rain on me with love until I drown. Give me the courage to look outside and see the beautiful sunrise of a new day.

Forgive me for my rebellion; thank You for the mercy and love I find at Your feet; please heal my waywardness. Please be strong for me when I in my own might cannot be.

I hope that You do not grow weary of me; I am weary with myself. Thank You that Your love is strong.

In Your name, Amen.

Sweet Songs

When I least expect it, when I most think God is ignoring me, He surprises me and says, "I'm listening. I see you. I haven't forgotten you. I love you." Last night, he used a stranger named Valerie, who probably had no idea that God was using her to speak to me through her simple greeting. Yet, I am so grateful that she obeyed.

Heavenly Father, You always amaze me. Let Your kingdom come in my world and in my life. You give me the food I need to live through the day and forgive me as I forgive the people that wronged me...So why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need. You know what I need...There are two things You told me, that You are strong and You love me, yes You love me...Your love is, Your love is, Your love is strong.

Thank You that You are love and You are strong and Your love is strong.

Face Up

The journey of rebellion is never as glorious as it seems it will be when first setting out. Either your conscience nags you and won't let you settle into it or the excitement of getting away with whatever it is has grown so much to be dull and boring and no longer satisfying.

It's time for healing, time to move on. It's time to fix what's been broken too long. Time to make right what has been wrong. It's time to find my way to where I belong. Time for a milestone, time to begin again, reevaluate who I really am.

Again recently I was presented with the statement "I do what I do because I believe what I believe". But before that, I heard this lesson and am trying to take it to heart: Yes, God is excited about our life-long journey of redemption and the people we will become, but He also loves you for the person you are now, just as you are.

Just as I am, the person I am now - slightly blatantly rebellious, sad that I am not further along on the path of holiness, a little doubtful that healing is for all and I am one of many and now really means now, more flaky than faithful, cracked and need to be shattered and rebuilt...

Maybe it's because what I cannot be, He is and what I cannot do, He does. He waits for me to return from my waywardness and welcomes me back, walks with me and teaches me along the way, restores me, is always faithful to me even when I am not to Him, skillfully shapes and molds me with every twist and turn and bump my life takes....

There's a wave that's crashing over me and all I can do is surrender. Jesus, rain on me with love until I drown.

I miss you, friend. Hope you are well.

Look Deeper

I do what I do because I believe what I believe.

Good and bad, wise and foolish - I do what I do because I believe what I believe.

Being kind, giving, patient, loving - I do what I do because I believe what I believe.

Indulging now instead of enduring satisfaction later - I do what I do because I believe what I believe.

So, what do i believe?